My sister reminded me today that I am past due on my blogging. I'm having a bit of a personal crisis today, so I'm not sure if this is the best day to do this, but what the heck.
So, I lost 4lbs last month. Hooray! A pound a week isn't so bad. I was thrilled to see a loss on the scale, and that is by the original scale at the YWCA. The scale at home is like 10lbs heavier!
My very intuitive friend, Nadia, is trying to help me figure out why I punish myself by eating fast food. I had told her my favorite saying, "If there was no such thing as fast food I would be a crack-head." And of course she came back at me with, "What are you punishing yourself for?" Because really that's what addicts are doing right? Punishing themselves for some inner wrong-doing. What I've come up with so far is that deep down I am just a people-pleaser. And because we all know you can't please all of the people all of the time, I tend to be really hard on myself for it.
It's really ironic because I am seriously the least insecure person in the world. Despite my obesity I don't think of myself as fat. I'm not afraid to sit in a restaurant or a movie theater by myself. I am not jealous of other women. I'm not obsessing about what every guy in my close vicinity thinks (or any vicinity for that matter). I don't care what people think about me in a superficial way. But if someone gives me the finger when I'm driving to work I make an immediate turn into one of the 15 fast food restaurants I have to drive by everyday. Or God forbid one of my clients, co-workers or employers expresses that they are unhappy about something! That could lead to a week-long binge.
So how does one get off this crazy cycle? I don't know. I can say that when I am really focused on my high-nutrient diet its like a hobby. I have something to think about, I'm paying attention to how I feel and what I have to do to stay on track. This allows me to care a little bit less about what the asshole in the Audi thinks of me. I think high-nutrient food also makes me think a little bit clearer, so I am prepared for the occasional "critique" from clients. Being my own co-worker and my own employer helps a lot too.
Today, in particular, I am discovering that eating a nutrient-dense diet is The Cure to headaches. I've been eating "the old way" for a couple of days and I have a killer migraine. I'm sure if I make myself a smoothie for dessert instead of eating popcorn with marshmallows and chocolate syrup (it is amazing but DON'T DO IT!) I will find my headache disappearing.
I want to thank my six followers (six!), and all the Facebookers that are reading and commenting. You guys keep my head in the game. You make me accountable.
Here's my favorite smoothie recipe:
1 cup vanilla soy milk
1 cup frozen blueberries (frozen is much cheaper than fresh, gotta have a good blender though)
1 cup frozen strawberries
1 orange (peeled)
1 banana (peeled)
3 dates
1 Tbls ground flaxseed
It fits perfectly in the Starbucks Venti Cups that look like the disposable cups but have a screw on top, are hard plastic, double-walled and reusable (I'm sure one of my Starbucks friends will comment with the official name for this). Yes its a lot of fruit, but berries have the least amount of sugar of all the fruits, oranges are an important source of fiber and bananas, believe it or not, have protein in them. They all have tons of vitamins and anti-oxidants. Once I've had this I can't have any more fruit for the day and I really try to avoid any other kind of "sugar" like bread, pasta, etc. This thing has replaced my morning coffee, I get tons of energy from it, it gets things moving (if ya know what I mean) and it tastes really good.
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You need to remember that YOU ARE #1. And if you get into the cycle of eating crap, you are letting down the most important person in your life. I understand about letting others down, getting critiqued but, if you eat crappy, you are really, really letting yourself down.
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