7/18/10

Sorry it's been so long since my last blog, I've had two very chaotic weekends with two very slow work weeks in between. Slow work weeks, of course, equal a tons of time to blog, and plan meals and get some exercise (yeah right), more time to stress about money. Ironically one of my chaotic weekends ended up saving me money, because my July 4th trip to PA fell through (very long and complicated story). And the following weekend ended up costing me all that money because my dog decided to collapse on the lawn on a Sunday. She couldn't have done it on a Monday when the regular vet is open, nope she had to do it on a Sunday so we had to take her to the emergency vet and spend triple the amount. And... THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER!!! She collapsed, was woozy all morning all the way to the vet, actually collapsed again at the vet, and then they did a bunch of tests and found nothing. Plus when the vet came out to tell me this she said Rosie had been awake and alert and wagging her tail in the crate in the back the whole time. She has been right back to her usual perky self all week. Who knows? We figure she either ate something weird on our walk last Sunday morning or just had a random seizure.

I think that this blog is turning into a "why do I eat when I'm stressed" blog rather than a blog about the importance of a nutrient-dense diet. Instead of going to PA we went to our friends house for July 4th and ate a whole bunch of junk (by choice, I think if I had said I wanted to eat healthy and vegetarian Katy would have been all for it). All week long after the 4th I found myself stopping at fast food places...like everyday. The weekend of the dog fiasco we sat in the vet's office for like four hours, so of course we ate whatever we could get our hands on that afternoon.

The second slow work week (last week) I was better, because I had a session with one of my favorite people, Nadia. I think in my last blog I had mentioned that she asked me why I was punishing myself with bad foods, and I spent the two weeks in between sessions thinking about reasons that I punish myself. So when I went to see her this week I told her that I think that made things worse because I just kept dredging up all this negative history in my life. And then she posed the question, "So why aren't you rewarding yourself?" She gave me some homework to validate myself everyday, no matter how hokey it sounds. And I've been doing it, it does feel a little hokey, but let me tell you I have driven past the fast food places more frequently and I have been more diligent about my smoothies this week. I have been taking ten minutes in the evening before I go to bed to tell myself that I did a good job during the day. It's basically meditation.

I feel like I need rehab, like drug addicts do. I need someone to teach me what to do with my feelings positive or negative. I went to a training this weekend that got me VERY excited, and all I wanted to do when I got out was eat to celebrate. Then I found out the building that my office is in got broken into last weekend and I'm a little afraid of that, of course all I wanted to do after I heard about it was eat to comfort myself. What am I supposed to do instead?!?!?! Maybe I should take up smoking. HaHa JUST KIDDING.

I don't really have a Cure this week, because honestly I wasn't very diligent with the plan and I was an emotional roller coaster. Maybe that's the Cure...by focusing on a nutrient-dense diet I don't have time for my life to be an emotional roller coaster. Actually that worries me a little, why can't I do both? Why can't I stick to the plan AND deal with the ups and downs? It'll come in time I suppose.

Ugh, sorry this isn't a very positive posting this week. Thank you all for reminding me to do it and keeping me on track. Here's my latest favorite recipe I got it from a friend's daughter's blog and I think she got it from Vegetarian Times. I've tweaked it just a little.

Ingredients
1 large bunch kale (1 1/4 to 1 1/2 lbs.) rinsed, de-stemmed and chopped
12 oz. udon noodles (you can get these in a regular grocery store in the Asian section)
2 Tbs. toasted sesame oil or to taste
1 can of artichoke hearts (not in oil) chopped
2 Tbs. toasted white or black sesame seeds (i didn't even toast them, just put them in)

Directions
1. Use a little bit more water then you normally would for 12oz of pasta. Bring it to a boil.

2. Add pasta and cook for 5 minutes less than cooking time indicated on package. Add kale stems and leaves, pressing down with back of large spoon to submerge. Continue cooking, uncovered, over high heat until kale and pasta are tender, about 5 minutes. (Kale tends to remain on top of pasta. Press it under water from time to time with back of large spoon.)

3. Drain pasta and kale and return to pot. Add sesame oil and artichoke hearts and toss with fork. Taste and add more sesame oil if necessary. Add sesame seeds and toss again. Serve hot or at room temperature.

7/2/10 - 291 lbs

My sister reminded me today that I am past due on my blogging. I'm having a bit of a personal crisis today, so I'm not sure if this is the best day to do this, but what the heck.

So, I lost 4lbs last month. Hooray! A pound a week isn't so bad. I was thrilled to see a loss on the scale, and that is by the original scale at the YWCA. The scale at home is like 10lbs heavier!

My very intuitive friend, Nadia, is trying to help me figure out why I punish myself by eating fast food. I had told her my favorite saying, "If there was no such thing as fast food I would be a crack-head." And of course she came back at me with, "What are you punishing yourself for?" Because really that's what addicts are doing right? Punishing themselves for some inner wrong-doing. What I've come up with so far is that deep down I am just a people-pleaser. And because we all know you can't please all of the people all of the time, I tend to be really hard on myself for it.

It's really ironic because I am seriously the least insecure person in the world. Despite my obesity I don't think of myself as fat. I'm not afraid to sit in a restaurant or a movie theater by myself. I am not jealous of other women. I'm not obsessing about what every guy in my close vicinity thinks (or any vicinity for that matter). I don't care what people think about me in a superficial way. But if someone gives me the finger when I'm driving to work I make an immediate turn into one of the 15 fast food restaurants I have to drive by everyday. Or God forbid one of my clients, co-workers or employers expresses that they are unhappy about something! That could lead to a week-long binge.

So how does one get off this crazy cycle? I don't know. I can say that when I am really focused on my high-nutrient diet its like a hobby. I have something to think about, I'm paying attention to how I feel and what I have to do to stay on track. This allows me to care a little bit less about what the asshole in the Audi thinks of me. I think high-nutrient food also makes me think a little bit clearer, so I am prepared for the occasional "critique" from clients. Being my own co-worker and my own employer helps a lot too.

Today, in particular, I am discovering that eating a nutrient-dense diet is The Cure to headaches. I've been eating "the old way" for a couple of days and I have a killer migraine. I'm sure if I make myself a smoothie for dessert instead of eating popcorn with marshmallows and chocolate syrup (it is amazing but DON'T DO IT!) I will find my headache disappearing.

I want to thank my six followers (six!), and all the Facebookers that are reading and commenting. You guys keep my head in the game. You make me accountable.

Here's my favorite smoothie recipe:
1 cup vanilla soy milk
1 cup frozen blueberries (frozen is much cheaper than fresh, gotta have a good blender though)
1 cup frozen strawberries
1 orange (peeled)
1 banana (peeled)
3 dates
1 Tbls ground flaxseed

It fits perfectly in the Starbucks Venti Cups that look like the disposable cups but have a screw on top, are hard plastic, double-walled and reusable (I'm sure one of my Starbucks friends will comment with the official name for this). Yes its a lot of fruit, but berries have the least amount of sugar of all the fruits, oranges are an important source of fiber and bananas, believe it or not, have protein in them. They all have tons of vitamins and anti-oxidants. Once I've had this I can't have any more fruit for the day and I really try to avoid any other kind of "sugar" like bread, pasta, etc. This thing has replaced my morning coffee, I get tons of energy from it, it gets things moving (if ya know what I mean) and it tastes really good.